Salt Filled Sorrow
by LisaMR
Summary: Set just shortly afterChosen. Riley receives a letter from B. Summers and he ponders abouttheir relationship.


**Title:** Salt Filled Sorrow

**Author:** Lisa

**Rating:** PG-13

**Pairing:** Riley (B/A, R/S and some B/R)

**Summary:** Written for Prompt #13 at stillmygirl. Set just shortly after Chosen. Riley receives a letter from B. Summers and he ponders about their relationship.

**Prompt:** There's nothing like you and I so why do I even try?

**Disclaimer:** Not mine all Joss and ME

**Distribution:** Please ask for permission first

**Feedback:** Is love!

The heavy tropical rain is beating down on my back, soaking me straight to the bone. I'm sitting in the middle of a deserted field; the camp is about 100 yards back in the bush, hidden from any prying eyes. Yet here I am in the camouflage perched on a rock staring off into nothing but a tropical rain forest.

I take a deep breath and choke a little. The air is humid and the smell of sulfur is still lingering in the air. Suppose that's what happens when you are located at the base of a volcano that is due to erupt the minute the sacrifice is brought, which is why my team is located here. T'ikalar demons are having their ritual human offering during the next full moon, it's a waiting game that we've been doing for 2 months. Longest I've stayed in one spot since I left Sunnydale, that's how she found me. I received a wrinkled and more then a little worn telegram this morning from one B. Summers of L.A. At first I was confused all the Summers I know live in Sunnydale, California. Sam was around so I quickly shoved it in my pocket saving it until I got a moment alone, which came while I was checking the perimeter.

Seven hours later and I'm still brooding about it in the middle of the night soaking wet with lighting crackling overhead. I hunch over as I pull out the letter from my chest pocket protecting the small piece of her from getting more damaged. Slowly I unfold it and bring the paper up to my nose, I swear it smells like vanilla and chocolate, which is impossible since it's gone halfway around the world and passed through dozens of bags and hands but somehow it does. Though maybe not really surprising as she always seems to do the impossible when the odds are stacked against her.

She wanted to let me know that if I should ever want to visit her again that going to Sunnydale all I would find is some 'made in China' tourist shop selling some cheap trinkets and maps. I can't decide if that is an invitation to come see her and it's tempting to go running, old habits don't die. She said the first decided to come and play in her sandbox, and I couldn't help but chuckle I've missed her slang during apocalypses. They won but not before loosing some good people like Anya and Spike. She started to cry while writing about it because I can see where her tears landed and the only thing I could do to try and ease her pain countries and oceans away was to kiss the spot, it tasted salt-y and so full of sorrow. She'll be staying in LA with Angel and his gang, guess the next big bad has decided to go play there for a bit. She gave me an address and I can't help but wonder if Angel and her picked things back up and this is their place. She didn't really say anything to lead me to believe they have or haven't, she's always been so damn stealthy about her feelings.

His name use to send me right over edge and I'm talking about the whole jealousy package. White-hot rage and then longing to lock her away and erase her memory of him so there was more room for me. I punished her for not allowing me more of her heart. I didn't understand what was so damn hard about getting over the vampire that shattered her heart on more then one occasion. I've talked to Xander about the whole sordid affair and though I know he hates Angel almost more then me I do know he's got the most perspective. The guy hurt her more then he saved her and yet she could never let him out of her mind. He was always there lurking even from another city. After I left and three years later I finally understand. I'm the same way with Sam. God I love her but she doesn't have all of me, the majority of my heart is still with a blonde Slayer who stole it from me by being peculiar. It's unfair to Sam, she gave me her whole heart but I still can't help but ache for Buffy. There was nothing like Buffy and I together, in my mind she was it and I guess a part of me still considers her my 'it'. I hate admitting this but Angel is her 'it' and I kind of want her to finally get that. Someone should be kissing the tears off her cheeks and that someone can't be me.


End file.
